Monday, October 10, 2011

Mommy goes to Hot Yoga

Mommy had a one week free pass at one of those hot yoga chains that seemed to be popping up everywhere. Mommy, badly in need of a body overhaul since the end of her breastfeeding days, was a serial yoga deal finder. Having seen the one week free coupon advertised at the city wide yoga chain, Mommy decided once and for all to give it a go.

Mommy had set out to a nearby suburb on a thursday evening for the first class. It wasn't half bad. Mommy was no stranger to hot yoga. Before lil buddy was even a twinkle in her eye, Mommy was a regular Bikram practitioner. That was in her post dancing days, when she still "took class" in Advanced Modern from a local teacher of Modern dance awesomeness. Modern dance had been Mommy's sport once. Mommy's sporting life slowly segued into yoga in the year or two before Lil Buddy came along. That was okay. Mommy really liked Yoga. She could do it for the rest of her life, she figured. It made her trick ankle and sparkly big toe (gifts from her years as a professional dancer) feel normal. It kept her flexible. Maybe she couldn't balance on her arms but she could stick her foot over her head and that felt great. Mommy's sport of choice.

Mommy also loved vinyasa yoga, hot and otherwise. She liked to stretch out in a big downward dog, hang upside down and sideways in half moon, open up her hips in triangle. 20 pounds and two babies later, Mommy struggled with yoga more but she could still rock a triangle.

Mommy had been doing yoga over the summer, since the onset of the post nursing weight. She was getting her flexibility back and feeling okay. Now it was time to try the hot stuff. It was time to find a free class deal so the citywide hot yoga chain would have to do.

So Mommy went to the suburban class. Please, she thought, don't be filled with skinny people in Lululemon tank tops. It was. Please, thought Mommy, let one of these skinnies be kind enough to call paramedics if I nearly die here. Because I might.

"Did you fill out a release form" asked the skinny 25 year old in a Lululemon halter top at the desk.

"Yes," said Mommy. "I've had two c-sections since 2006 so I'm a little out of shape. I have some shoulder pain from carrying my daughter, and I do experience migraines...........

"..........okay just list your injuries on the form and rest in child's pose if it's too much"  said the halter top. Mommy was ready. Let's do this, she thought.

She locked up her valuables in a pretty spa-like dressing room. Oops, my inhaler, she thought. Do I need it? Haven't needed it lately. Mommy decided to  chance it.

Mommy managed just fine. She sweated her way through "hot yoga express" without passing out. No paramedics needed. She struggled through the back bends. Mommy and the backbends squared off in suspect conversation like Jerry and Newman on Seinfeld:

"Hello Mommy."

"Hello Backbend."

"I see you've had a muffin since I saw you last. Or twelve. It's spilling over your capris."

"Well, that's why I'm here, backbend. Now step aside." Mommy reached for her heals in camel pose--too soon! She felt  a wave of nausea and uprighted herself.

"Okay, backbend. you win this time. But I'll be back."

But Mommy did it! She got through the whole class and was fine. She went back for more two days later. She left the second class lightheaded but fine.

"Mommy were you exercising?" asked Lil Buddy when Mommy got home.


"I'm so proud of you, Mommy!"

"Thank you, honey!"

Lil Buddy liked to talk about health and exercise lately. "Mommy I'm exercising so I don't have weak!" he would say while running in a circle around the living room.

"Mommy, please make broccoli for dinner so we can eat healthy vegetables and not have weak!" he said. Mommy obliged, but with suspicion. Later that night, they were locked in a show down over eating the broccoli. Lil Buddy took a bite and gagged and made several other awful sounds. Mommy bit her lip. She was irritated and amused at the same time. At least they tried. Back to baby carrots tomorrow.

Sweet Potata ate most of her pureed broccoli and then requested her favorite dessert: "apple," she said, in the world's tiniest voice. Everyone smiled.

Look at us, thought Mommy, once step closer to ultimate health and wellness.

After dinner, Mommy snuggled up to her babies on the couch and poured over her laptop for yoga coupons. There had to be something out there and Mommy was determined to find it.

1 comment:

  1. sorry the picture is so ding dang big! Don't know why that is.